Changes for the better?

Since my last post on having thoughts of taking a break from work, many things has happened in just 5 months. Technically, I’m married (still can’t sink in the fact after being single for 27 years) and i’m really thankful that the wedding went well and it’s finally over, one less thing to worry about. We have also collected the keys to our BTO flat, it’s in the progress of renovation, hopefully it will be ready by CNY.

Another good news i would like to announce…I’m going to be a mum soon too! We wanted a goat baby so we decided to try conceiving exactly 3 months before our wedding date as we calculated that if we were to try only after wedding, with 9 months of pregnancy, we only have 3 months to try conceiving in order to get a goat baby and it doesn’t help when my menses are irregular which comes on average 2 months once. Although the pregnancy was pre-planned in a way, however, we did not expect to hit the jackpot on our very first try!

Maybe i’ll write on how we found out about the pregnancy in another post. The first 3 months of pregnancy is literately nightmare for me, feeling nauseous and vomiting almost everyday. I had appetite for nothing, i slept most of the time and feeling really weak. As a result of this, i took frequent MCs and leaves from work which i felt really guilty and stressed especially when i was just tasked to take over the whole department.

That period was crucial since it was reaching year end and as department head, I was responsible to plan for the department’s roadmap for 2015, KPIs, budget, headcount etc. Endless back to back meetings. I’m lucky and blessed to have competent managers whom i can rely on to get things done and with them, i managed to tied through the difficult period, although i believe i will perform better with better health conditions.

With the ever fast changing pace of the company and with deteriorating health conditions due to pregnancy symptom such as tiredness, i swear after a full day of work i’m mentally and physically drained. There are times where i felt 有心无力 and i get disappointed with myself for the deteriorating performance by which i do not meet my own expectations. 过得了别人但过不了自己这关。

Hubby mentioned about not being too stressed during pregnancy as it will affect the baby which both of us agreed that i should take a break. We had multiple talks, discussions and persuasions over this issue for few weeks and i’m glad to have a hubby who is able to understand, help me list out and analyze the situation clearly, assess our finance and points out the direction i should take, which is to resign from the company, but he lets me make the ultimate decision.

It’s really hard for me to make a decision and I get pissed with myself for being flicker minding, (just blame it on the pregnancy hormones) especially being in the company for 8 years with counts of personal achievements and milestones achieved together with the team but at the same time, i believe it is a sooner or later decision where it is time for me to go and get new life experiences, be it personal life or professional life. I have been deciding back and forth on this issue literately everyday – never came across anyone having so much difficulties resigning from a job.

Getting frustrated with myself from the daily ding-dongs, I told myself that i need to make a decision and never go back in circles again. Regardless of whether i will regret making the wrong choice, i need to make a decision to move on. After much weighing, I made the decision of tendering my resignation. I think i will need to write another post so to remind myself on the list of factors which results in my decision at that moment and not regret the choice i made. Keeping my fingers crossed for now.

Take a break?

Honestly, i have been hovering around this thinking recently a lot, like really A LOT.

Have been working in the same company for almost 8 years, i have definitely seen the company grow –  from a start-up to SME and now a MNC. The company has also seen me grow as a person and as a profession – from the long golden hair, loud Avril Lavigne -Girlfriend ringtone with short mini skirts ah lian to short dark toned hair, silent ringtone with decent knee-length office dresses, from a fresh graduate who have no significant experience in IT except for styling my own blog and don’t know for what reason (some say it’s due to the short mini skirt which i wore for interview) my boss decided to give me a chance as a Systems Analyst, to now an Assistant IT Manager – well, i never ever thought i would come this far and furthermore in an IT field. I truly want to thank, from the bottom of my heart, my boss, the senior management team, my teammates and fellow colleagues, for your recognition, guidance and support all these years. This time i’m sure it’s not because of any short mini skirt.

If I were to compare Day 1 I stepped into the company to now, i can say almost everything has changed. Things, processes, environment, people…basically every thing and especially the past 3 years ever since we were acquired. I won’t say that the changes have become for the better or for the worse as an overall, but it’s more of the way things are operated differently. I can say that everyone, including myself are adjusting to the change and trying very hard. Transition is never easy. There are many times i feel like giving up, but the senior management team never fail to catch me at the most appropriate time to provide me with the hope and listening ear. This i really appreciate.

I’m really devastated when the senior management team tendered their resignation one by one, they were the ones who founded and build the company from scratch, the ones whom i worked closely with and with respect. I knew they had a difficult decision to make, i still wish them the best and hope if there’s a chance, we can work together again.

Nevertheless, there have been thoughts, thoughts and ideas on my mind which i hope to fulfill, such as giving full attention and try a chance to run my own business to wild thoughts of travelling alone to a stranger country. Or maybe just take a break…

CNY 2013

CNY this year was exceptionally quiet at my paternal grandma’s house. Seems like CNY without grandma is getting worse as years passed.
Reunion dinner used to open 3 tables (2 for Adults, 1 for Children) in restaurant but this year shrank to just 1.
Some were not intending to come, while some will only be coming the following day.

My family’s plan is to stay on the reunion day and set off to my maternal grandma’s house the next day and come back again on the fourth day for a stopover before heading back to Singapore.

Kept ourselves entertained with fireworks and something new – 天灯 (Sky Lantern)

The atmosphere is totally different at my maternal grandma’s house. It’s still as noisy and lively with majority of the cousins and relatives coming together, with plus one new addition to the family this year!

The cheeky siblings never fail to be in my pictures every year.

The new addition – Jovenna

One of my relative family followed my family from Malaysia to Singapore for a short holiday, it’s been really long since they last came to Singapore and their main motive is to visit the newly opened attraction places like Marina Bay Sands, Gardens by The Bay, Resort World Sentosa, Singapore Flyer. It’s quite a waste that i have to work straight after the CNY public holidays, so i can’t join them along.

Well, back to office, the recreation committee has once again hired the “Cai Shen Ye” and “Lion Dance Troupe” to our office. The Account Managers were all trying to get the “Cai Shen Ye” to sit on their seats so they will “huat”!

We’re very impressed with this Lion Dance troupe, they really did a great job, especially arranging the mandarin oranges into a very nice Snake symbol and a few Chinese characters with 4 numbers.

“Lou Hei” with the girls at Chinatown’s hawker centre…huat ah! May the snake year be a prosperous and joyous year!

Long Service Award

Haha! Even i can’t believe that i’m actually receiving this award.
Honestly, before i started work in this company, i never thought that i would stay in a company for more than two years, talk about five years?! That’s even more ridiculous.

But here i am, still in the same company…five years and counting.

Who would have thought that the girl with a striking golden hair, thick black eyeliner, wearing a mini jeans skirt who came to the office for an interview would be selected and even managed to stay and climb up the corporate ladder and in the technology industry?

from 青春美少女 (random individual pic taken from the year i entered workforce)

to 熟女.

Nevertheless, all these years i’m glad that i have grown both professionally and personally.

Thanks to people around me who are constantly supporting and guiding me, helpful colleagues, supportive bosses and friends who are there whenever i needed them.

Well, nobody knows what is gonna happen in another 5 years time, perhaps i might still be writing the same content again haha! Till then…